Put the Dys in Dysfunction

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
Put the Dys in Dysfunction

We’re back with our bread and butter this week so on deck it’s a heavy case of injustice and an unusual case of murder.

Our episode is longer than usual due to some housekeeping. If you want to hit the content it starts around the 23 min mark.

First up, Susana brings us the worst case of child abuse and cruelty. After surviving brutal abuse herself as a child Louise got a fresh start with her husband David and together they had 13 beautiful children. By all accounts they should’ve had everything but in fact inside their home held a horrible secret of torture, starvation and filth.

Then Shaunelle follows with a truly unusual case of murder in which Joan Porco survived a savage attack at her home only to awaken and discover that the person she identified as the killer was one of her own. It’s a case of murder, mob ties, the wonders of the human mind and the capabilities of the human body under extreme duress.

You may think your family is dysfunctional but they have nothing on the 2 families we’re covering today.

Check our sources below:










The Tired Quinceañera

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
The Tired Quinceañera

Welcome to the Criminally Clueless Podcast Quinceañera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you were expecting fanfare, balloons and / or joy go ahead and chuck those expectations out the window because we are, as usual, exhausted while recording this week. Technical difficulties and personal drama contributed greatly to us doing another after dark episode…..it goes without saying that we won’t be held entirely responsible for anything said during this episode.

The biggest shock of the week isn’t the fact that we managed to kick off the episode without a litany of cuss words but rather the fact that this episode can be considered somewhat of a diet or light version of our usual stuff. If you’re still recovering from the mutilation in episode 14 then this is the palate cleanse you need.

First Susana brings us a story of the lengths one man would go through to secure something he had all along….let that sink in for a minute.

Moving on, we’ll go on to say that he’s certainly not a “murder you because you saw me eat poop” kinda crappy dad but he’s up there and definitely won’t be winning any dad of the year awards.

Then Shaunelle unravels a tangled web of deceit and revenge. Ask yourself what do a successful woman, armed robbery, a police informant and an ill-informed Trini have in common? Coming up blank? then click play to hear the twists and turns of this convoluted story.

Two men, two lives governed by lies, Big Steups.

Oh and as an added treat look out for this week’s alternative sentence enhancers.

Check out our sources below:











Officer 263 & A Few Clueless Criminals

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
Officer 263 & A Few Clueless Criminals

Important takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • Everyone better put a lil respect on the sex worker name
  • Susana, unsurprisingly, is pissed. Tell dem why you mad Susana!!!
  • We take the world’s most epic tangent in the Officer 263 case. Feel free to skip ahead if you don’t wanna be woke.
  • Nothing, as usual, is off the table

This week, Susana takes us through the case of an officer with a taste for sexual assault……specifically the sexual assault of middle aged black women. This predator would hunt his prey whilst performing his police duties in underserved neighborhoods. If you were to look up abuse of power in the dictionary, this jackass would most definitely pop up.

Then to lighten the mood (save the day), Shaunelle brings you three cases of increasing criminal stupidity. The masterminds of these acts deserve to be forever remembered and we hope we did them justice.

It’s a serious and seriously wild episode.

Here’s a link to the story of Stemen and his stinkin semen:


Check out our sources below:














Rent & A Rose is A Rose

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
Rent & A Rose is A Rose

You already know, we are the Mayors of struggle city so just because we made it to this milestone of episode 10 ain’t mean sh*t’s changed.

With that said, it seems for our first episode in the double digits we decided to go all out and no topic is off the table.

If you are easily offended by topics including (but not limited to):

  • vaccinated people, as well as celebrity outta timin tweets about vaccination
  • violence against indigenous women
  • techniques of pussession (new term, just coined it literally means use of p*ssy to possess someone)
  • references to Bill Cosby
  • naughty nuns and rape in the catholic church

THIS IS NOT THE EPISODE FOR YOU!!!!! Think of this as the ominous sign at the top of the dark trail warning you to turn back. No hard feelings. Just skip this one.

First up, Shaunelle takes us through the horrific murder of young, pregnant, indigenous woman Loretta Saunders. Despite the swift action taken by authorities (due largely in part to Loretta being misidentified) they were not able to save Loretta. In the end, her murderer’s revealed that her death came down to a frivolous dare. That’s right, one life for one dare (yes, we can’t believe it either).

Then, Susana (who was apparently was in the mood to stir sh*t) comes to us with a case of rape in the Catholic Church. Surprisingly, the perpetrators were the most unexpected part. To paraphrase Susana “nobody suspects the nuns so they continue to get away with it”.

This episode is honest, intense and probably more than you bargained for.

Check out our sources below:













Misdiagnosis & The Murder of Kevin Bacon

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
Misdiagnosis & The Murder of Kevin Bacon

We are the first to tell you that we are NOT reliable resources for any information that could impact your life in any way so we should not need to tell you all that our views on mental health and any suggestions made in that regard do NOT stem from any sort of professional authority. What we lack in knowledge, we more than make up for with our willingness to learn and understand.

To be fair though, we call ourselves clueless for a reason so I wouldn’t hold out for us to get it perfect …..ever.

Susana is up first this week with a story of a young man failed by (our contender for jackass of the year) “the system”. He slipped so far through the cracks, despite his father’s attempts to get him help, that his unstable mental state and affinity for violence were both essentially weaponized resulting in murder. A murder which could’ve been prevented.

Then Shaunelle covers the horrifying case of a young man named Kevin Bacon (no known relation to Hollywood’s Kevin Bacon) and how this man was lured to his death by a homicidal cannibal. The question we’re left with is whether or not the murderers mental health played a part in the crime.

Lots to unpack this week.

Check out the sources below:










The Fall From Grace Pervert Episode

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
The Fall From Grace Pervert Episode

There’s a lot going on in today’s episode …more than usual. If the beginning is any indicator then you know you’re in for a rough ride. Not only are we dropping an episode with, not 1 but 2, cases of opportunistic pervs, but we are also dealing with Susana shaking ice like a pair of maracas and alarms going off.

First up, Shaunelle covers a case she cleverly (according to her) entitled “An Officer and A Pervert” (extra points if you got the movie reference). When women were falling victim to home invasions seemingly plucked from the mind of the infamous Jerry Brudos himself, the Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) tried to catch him before he escalated. Unfortunately, it was too late and what started as home invasions soon lead to the murder of 2 young women. The OPP needed to catch the culprit before he struck again. They just didn’t realize the fully decorated culprit was hiding in plain sight.

Then Susana takes us on a walk down memory lane, with the infamous Mary Kay Letourneau case in which “love” (and by love we mean abuse) contributed to the derailment of a young man’s life. We’ve amended that ole rhyme just for this so it reads: First comes abuse, then comes prison ….because that’s exactly what she got (and deserved).

Ultimately, this is an episode of two entitled people from relatively privileged backgrounds abusing their power and ruining lives …buckle up

Check out our sources below:








Mama Knows Best & A Few Clueless Criminals

Criminally Clueless Podcast
Criminally Clueless Podcast
Mama Knows Best & A Few Clueless Criminals

Hooray for respectable audio this week!!!!

We got our hands on some sweet sweet mics and they’ve made all the difference in our audio situation. We just need to remember to actually speak into the mic as well as refrain from hitting the table…whoops !

It’s Susana’s birthday episode this week (check us out on Instagram @criminallyclueless for the cute set-up) and our birthday girl did not come to play games. She takes us on a telenovela-esq journey so convoluted Jane the Virgin couldn’t write it. Our heroine is the kick-ass Marisela Escobedo. Marisela’s daughter Rubi was dead and despite Marisela putting everything on the line to prepare an ironclad case, she couldn’t get her daughter’s murderer to pay. It’s a seriously twisted story of murder, corruption and a mother refusing to give up on justice for her daughter.

Yes, you are right, Susana does have a case type but it’s her birthday and she can make us cry if she wants to.

Next up, and hoping to make good on a birthday promise, Shaunelle has 3 (yes, three) clueless criminal cases, each one more clueless than the last. If you make it to the end of the podcast you can enjoy Susana laugh-crying herself through the last 5-10 minutes of the episode. You can also help us answer the age old question of Pussy or Prison ? (weigh in on our latest poll).

Happy Birthday Susana !!!!!!!!!

Check out our sources:











And because I had to help point you in the direction of Bob and Fred please take a look at their disguises here: