We’re back with our bread and butter this week so on deck it’s a heavy case of injustice and an unusual case of murder.
Our episode is longer than usual due to some housekeeping. If you want to hit the content it starts around the 23 min mark.
First up, Susana brings us the worst case of child abuse and cruelty. After surviving brutal abuse herself as a child Louise got a fresh start with her husband David and together they had 13 beautiful children. By all accounts they should’ve had everything but in fact inside their home held a horrible secret of torture, starvation and filth.
Then Shaunelle follows with a truly unusual case of murder in which Joan Porco survived a savage attack at her home only to awaken and discover that the person she identified as the killer was one of her own. It’s a case of murder, mob ties, the wonders of the human mind and the capabilities of the human body under extreme duress.
You may think your family is dysfunctional but they have nothing on the 2 families we’re covering today.
Welcome to the Criminally Clueless Podcast Quinceañera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you were expecting fanfare, balloons and / or joy go ahead and chuck those expectations out the window because we are, as usual, exhausted while recording this week. Technical difficulties and personal drama contributed greatly to us doing another after dark episode…..it goes without saying that we won’t be held entirely responsible for anything said during this episode.
The biggest shock of the week isn’t the fact that we managed to kick off the episode without a litany of cuss words but rather the fact that this episode can be considered somewhat of a diet or light version of our usual stuff. If you’re still recovering from the mutilation in episode 14 then this is the palate cleanse you need.
First Susana brings us a story of the lengths one man would go through to secure something he had all along….let that sink in for a minute.
Moving on, we’ll go on to say that he’s certainly not a “murder you because you saw me eat poop” kinda crappy dad but he’s up there and definitely won’t be winning any dad of the year awards.
Then Shaunelle unravels a tangled web of deceit and revenge. Ask yourself what do a successful woman, armed robbery, a police informant and an ill-informed Trini have in common? Coming up blank? then click play to hear the twists and turns of this convoluted story.
Two men, two lives governed by lies, Big Steups.
Oh and as an added treat look out for this week’s alternative sentence enhancers.
Admit it, a little perverted curiosity brought you here after you saw the promo for this week’s episode on Instagram….so you already know you’re in for some sh*t today.
As usual we are mulling over the complexities of life’s great decisions like how much money is enough money to poop on someone whilst bringing you along for the ride of this week’s cases.
First up, Shaunelle takes us on a dramatic journey into the unprovoked murder of Jeremy Warrior and the sacrifice one person was willing to make in pursuit of the “perfect murder”.
Then, Susana disrespects us all by bringing her worst case EVER! If you’re a fan and you’ve heard her cases then you know we’re not saying that lightly. She takes us through one woman’s incredible journey for justice , visibility and recovery after being brutally raped, tortured and then blatantly ignored by the Venezuelan government.
We’re not crying, you’re crying………….Who are we kidding? Pass the tissues.
***It should be noted that there are 3 cases this week because we weren’t sure if Susana would be able to deliver on her case. Joy! she was, so now you get an extra treat
Our Halloween episode is here and we’re hitting you with the B.S straight out the gate this week. Albeit accidental, we have 3 (yes, three) tales for you…Straight up, the second tale is the most disturbing. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Don’t let the conservative clothing fool you, it turns out that back in the day morals were more of a concept… well at least that’s what we’ve deduced after learning about these cases. The brazen manner in which these atrocious acts were committed could’ve been attributed to a lack of DNA evidence and technology. Whatever the cause they were out and bad in the old days and these 3 cases prove that point.
There’s something wrong with Peter:
Without hesitation we can conclusively say that there is (was) something in fact wrong with Peter. He took his adolescent desire for blood into his adult years and didn’t earn the title “Vampire of Dusseldorf” for nothing. Although, his crimes were enough to induce nightmares, his final words are what really creeped us out.
Endless Love:
We’re using the word “love” because Count Blah Blah Blah probably really thought he was in love and for him that love would last a lifetime ….HIS lifetime. The ultimate story of a man unable to let go and his macabre take on the saying “rest In Peace” will all be unpacked….hey, if we can’t sleep, why should you?
Sh*t went down after Halloween
Susana gets literal and brings us a story of a friendship likely forged in the pits of hell. Two buddies successfully lured their victims for their shared gratification and in the end they committed 5 (known) murders and one “friend” ended up thrown under the bus. ***Susana forgets to mention that they were coined the Toolbox Killers. Forgive her, it’s all part of our structureless structure.
And if alllllll that isn’t enough , we’re providing unsolicited and likely incoherent dating advice at the end.
We’re all over the place with this episode. Susana’s new hairstyle, Anal Gland Expression (yikes), what colonics have in common with Star Trek and of course crime.
Susana is up first this week with another tale of injustice from where else? Mexico. Monterrey Mexico to be exact. Javier and Jorge were just a pair of best friends and enterprising young men with amazing futures ahead of them. Extremely intelligent and well rounded they were dedicated to putting in the time at school so they could reap the rewards later. Unfortunately, in a heart wrenching case of wrong place, wrong time, they would both be killed before realizing any of their dreams. Like that’s not bad enough (and because it’s a Susana case) the cover-up, the lies and the drama surrounding their deaths are the issues really up for discussion.
Then Shaunelle brings you a case of a doctor on a quest for revenge after (rightly) having his reputation and abilities as a physician questioned. Sadly, his victims would learn that getting in his way was a deadly mistake. Somebody bring a BP monitor STAT! because this Doc is salty AF and on a warpath.
***Some things to note: Susana says fire in this episode and she means firing and Shaunelle doesn’t know geography and may have confused Illinois with Indiana…whoopsie
***And because we know people will go looking for the song, here is a link to Spragga Benz’s epic Pum Pum Conqueror. I think it’s fair to say that this lyrical genius is now the creator of Susana’s favorite song
You already know, we are the Mayors of struggle city so just because we made it to this milestone of episode 10 ain’t mean sh*t’s changed.
With that said, it seems for our first episode in the double digits we decided to go all out and no topic is off the table.
If you are easily offended by topics including (but not limited to):
vaccinated people, as well as celebrity outta timin tweets about vaccination
violence against indigenous women
techniques of pussession (new term, just coined it literally means use of p*ssy to possess someone)
references to Bill Cosby
naughty nuns and rape in the catholic church
THIS IS NOT THE EPISODE FOR YOU!!!!! Think of this as the ominous sign at the top of the dark trail warning you to turn back. No hard feelings. Just skip this one.
First up, Shaunelle takes us through the horrific murder of young, pregnant, indigenous woman Loretta Saunders. Despite the swift action taken by authorities (due largely in part to Loretta being misidentified) they were not able to save Loretta. In the end, her murderer’s revealed that her death came down to a frivolous dare. That’s right, one life for one dare (yes, we can’t believe it either).
Then, Susana (who was apparently was in the mood to stir sh*t) comes to us with a case of rape in the Catholic Church. Surprisingly, the perpetrators were the most unexpected part. To paraphrase Susana “nobody suspects the nuns so they continue to get away with it”.
This episode is honest, intense and probably more than you bargained for.
We are the first to tell you that we are NOT reliable resources for any information that could impact your life in any way so we should not need to tell you all that our views on mental health and any suggestions made in that regard do NOT stem from any sort of professional authority. What we lack in knowledge, we more than make up for with our willingness to learn and understand.
To be fair though, we call ourselves clueless for a reason so I wouldn’t hold out for us to get it perfect …..ever.
Susana is up first this week with a story of a young man failed by (our contender for jackass of the year) “the system”. He slipped so far through the cracks, despite his father’s attempts to get him help, that his unstable mental state and affinity for violence were both essentially weaponized resulting in murder. A murder which could’ve been prevented.
Then Shaunelle covers the horrifying case of a young man named Kevin Bacon (no known relation to Hollywood’s Kevin Bacon) and how this man was lured to his death by a homicidal cannibal. The question we’re left with is whether or not the murderers mental health played a part in the crime.
There’s a lot going on in today’s episode …more than usual. If the beginning is any indicator then you know you’re in for a rough ride. Not only are we dropping an episode with, not 1 but 2, cases of opportunistic pervs, but we are also dealing with Susana shaking ice like a pair of maracas and alarms going off.
First up, Shaunelle covers a case she cleverly (according to her) entitled “An Officer and A Pervert” (extra points if you got the movie reference). When women were falling victim to home invasions seemingly plucked from the mind of the infamous Jerry Brudos himself, the Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) tried to catch him before he escalated. Unfortunately, it was too late and what started as home invasions soon lead to the murder of 2 young women. The OPP needed to catch the culprit before he struck again. They just didn’t realize the fully decorated culprit was hiding in plain sight.
Then Susana takes us on a walk down memory lane, with the infamous Mary Kay Letourneau case in which “love” (and by love we mean abuse) contributed to the derailment of a young man’s life. We’ve amended that ole rhyme just for this so it reads: First comes abuse, then comes prison ….because that’s exactly what she got (and deserved).
Ultimately, this is an episode of two entitled people from relatively privileged backgrounds abusing their power and ruining lives …buckle up
*The two topics in this episode got us both pretty heated and without realizing it I ( humble blogger Shaunelle) started speaking a little too fast.
The first story is enough to take you back to those turbulent tween (are these still a thing?) / teen days. With misunderstood intentions and lots of jealousy it’s enough to make you wonder whether or not you’re reading an entry in that diary we all know you had. Unfortunately, the frenemies of this story don’t just drift apart and go on to cyber stalk each other on Instagram …… this frenemy story ends in murder.
For our next story we strongly recommend a drink, or 10 because only complete inebriation can help you process the absolute dumpster fire of a human that is Rachel’s Jackass ex-man. His unforgiveable betrayal and a woman’s quest for justice are all unpacked at the link above or wherever you get your podcast fix.
***please also enjoy the links to the performers I mentioned at the start of the episode as well as my pronunciation of the word prosecution .
