Once again, without planning it, we stumbled upon a theme and today’s episode is sort of the bad ex-husband episode of the season.
In our first case, Shaunelle messes with Susana, and her travel plans, by talking about a murder on the high seas. Micki Kanesaki was just trying to relax and rekindle the relationship with her ex Lonnie. But it seems Lonnie had other plans for the vacation and instead of romance Micki got murder.
Then Susana is up next with a case of a woman who loved to support veterans and loved her Corvettes. Unfortunately, she was also being duped by her husband into thinking he was someone he wasn’t. This deceit didn’t need to turn into much more but over inflated egos, stolen valor, motorcycle gangs and an Oxy drug ring is a bad combination.
We’re late, we know but we’re here and we plan to stay. We’ve had a rough start to the year so getting into a routine has been hard but we want to deliver and this week we’re back with the bullshit.
Susana is up first with a case that’s still in the works. The gruesome death of a young man at the hands of a seemingly mentally distressed woman has left us with an overwhelming amount of questions, particularly about the capacity of a crockpot. His mother’s devastating find and the unusual answer given to the police has us shaking our heads in true disbelief.
Then Shaunelle has 2 cases of people who’ve been categorized as criminals but may actually be Robin Hoods who didn’t think through their choices.
If you’ve worked in an office or encountered the police then you’ll be interested in this week’s episode.
First up, Shaunelle has a case that will make you re-evaluate the way that you interact with your coworkers forever. Shirley Pierce was a true southern gem. Born in North Carolina and literally described as “sweet as a glass of tea” Shirley lived her life with grace and treated those around her with dignity and kindness. Unfortunately, one act of misplaced kindness was misinterpreted as an attempt to steal someone’s husband. Despite her denial Shirley was stalked and ultimately murdered for her act of supposedly blatant disrespect.
Then Susana tells us a tale of a woman who survived being brutalized only to find out her assailant was a monster who was allowed to get away with heinous acts for years leading up to her attack. She was lucky she lived to tell her story however, because one of his victims wasn’t so lucky.
Not just to the end of our first season but also to the bottom of two bottles of Trinidadian rum. As promised, in our last episode, we had a shot anytime one of our ride or die interruptions piped up. We came into this fully expecting the elevator to be our greatest foe but alas! twas Boni and her lumberjack snore that almost rendered us incoherent.
Our heads were ready to bust open by the end of this and we’ve vowed to never do it again.
First up, Susana takes us through the most heart wrenching case of child abuse we’ve ever heard of. If you know, you know and if you do know, bring the tissues because it never gets easier to hear what this baby had to go through in his short life. Susana ends her case with a little vigilante justice …and nobody can find it in them to be torn up about it.
As for Shaunelle, with her cases closing the episode (to be read: with her cases presented after she was 6 shots deep) a certain degree of slurred speech ought to be expected. With that said, she brings us the case of Za’zel Preston and what may amount to the worst Christmas morning….ever. Then she closes off the season with a very short, but potentially wholesome story about bringing the Christmas spirit.
It’s a heavy one and unfortunately timed with our promise of inebriation. We want to clearly and boldly state that the moments of levity in no way mean we are poking fun at an incredibly dark case and serious issue.
***Also Susana disrespected us all by repeatedly shaking her legs at the end of the episode due to a leg cramp.
If you asked us what didn’t interrupt us this week, we’d have a shorter explanation. You name it, we had it: door slams, elevator pings, ambulance sirens, crazy Pomeranian bedtime routines…all the B.S packed into one short episode.
*Due to an appointment and no other time to record, we do our very best to corral our opinions but Susana is pissssssed so you should expect a Venezuelan rant …or five.
Up first, with a truly angering recount of a case that screams (just SCREAMS) privilege!!! Susana delves into the disgusting case of Christopher Belter and the multiple rapes he perpetrated. We thought our disgust reached it’s peak learning about the remorseless way in which he carried out his crimes, but it went thermonuclear when we found out he had enablers every step of the way.
If you can believe it, it gets worse because that ole bitch, lady justice, swept in only to disappoint, as usual. Who’s surprised?!…Not us!
Then, on a slightly lighter note Shaunelle’s case is all about romance…online romance, that is. When 19 year old Marissa Williams’ relationship with her aunt turned sour she sought out the one person she thought she could trust, her new online love. Her plans for retribution were unexpectedly foiled and Marissa was caught by the long arm of the law. Who sold her out? and who the hell put a hit out on the family dog?!
All will be unpacked in this crazy tale of family drama, betrayal and attempted dogicide.
Happy to report we got our audio mixing sorted…please proceed to the wildness within.
We’re back with the B.S this week ! First of all, our case titles may be misleading. So to manage your expectations we’re going to go right ahead and say that there’s absolutely no threesome / sex happening on a baseball field in this episode. We’re sorry if that’s disappointing.
Shaunelle is up first with a story of misadventure in dating. When Heidi Carter decided to participate in a ménage à trois she may have bitten off more than she could chew….especially since she wasn’t exactly single at the time. The story disintegrates from there and we enter a confusing tale of drama, a possible set-up, rape , murder and the recurring theme of why oh why can’t people have honest sex?!
Then Susana does us all proud as she delves into case made famous by the Netflix documentary, Long Shot. Whatever you thought you knew, throw it out the window. When Juan Catalan was hauled to jail for a murder he repeatedly pleaded his innocence however, police wouldn’t believe him. After all, he was identified by several witnesses as the murderer. It seemed like Juan was headed straight to prison but fate had a home run in the cards.
Click play / download to join us on a wild ass ride!
***Also, enjoy the relaxing thuds in the background which are actually Susana’s nervous knees going under the table.
We’re back with our bread and butter this week so on deck it’s a heavy case of injustice and an unusual case of murder.
Our episode is longer than usual due to some housekeeping. If you want to hit the content it starts around the 23 min mark.
First up, Susana brings us the worst case of child abuse and cruelty. After surviving brutal abuse herself as a child Louise got a fresh start with her husband David and together they had 13 beautiful children. By all accounts they should’ve had everything but in fact inside their home held a horrible secret of torture, starvation and filth.
Then Shaunelle follows with a truly unusual case of murder in which Joan Porco survived a savage attack at her home only to awaken and discover that the person she identified as the killer was one of her own. It’s a case of murder, mob ties, the wonders of the human mind and the capabilities of the human body under extreme duress.
You may think your family is dysfunctional but they have nothing on the 2 families we’re covering today.
Welcome to the Criminally Clueless Podcast Quinceañera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you were expecting fanfare, balloons and / or joy go ahead and chuck those expectations out the window because we are, as usual, exhausted while recording this week. Technical difficulties and personal drama contributed greatly to us doing another after dark episode…..it goes without saying that we won’t be held entirely responsible for anything said during this episode.
The biggest shock of the week isn’t the fact that we managed to kick off the episode without a litany of cuss words but rather the fact that this episode can be considered somewhat of a diet or light version of our usual stuff. If you’re still recovering from the mutilation in episode 14 then this is the palate cleanse you need.
First Susana brings us a story of the lengths one man would go through to secure something he had all along….let that sink in for a minute.
Moving on, we’ll go on to say that he’s certainly not a “murder you because you saw me eat poop” kinda crappy dad but he’s up there and definitely won’t be winning any dad of the year awards.
Then Shaunelle unravels a tangled web of deceit and revenge. Ask yourself what do a successful woman, armed robbery, a police informant and an ill-informed Trini have in common? Coming up blank? then click play to hear the twists and turns of this convoluted story.
Two men, two lives governed by lies, Big Steups.
Oh and as an added treat look out for this week’s alternative sentence enhancers.
Admit it, a little perverted curiosity brought you here after you saw the promo for this week’s episode on Instagram….so you already know you’re in for some sh*t today.
As usual we are mulling over the complexities of life’s great decisions like how much money is enough money to poop on someone whilst bringing you along for the ride of this week’s cases.
First up, Shaunelle takes us on a dramatic journey into the unprovoked murder of Jeremy Warrior and the sacrifice one person was willing to make in pursuit of the “perfect murder”.
Then, Susana disrespects us all by bringing her worst case EVER! If you’re a fan and you’ve heard her cases then you know we’re not saying that lightly. She takes us through one woman’s incredible journey for justice , visibility and recovery after being brutally raped, tortured and then blatantly ignored by the Venezuelan government.
We’re not crying, you’re crying………….Who are we kidding? Pass the tissues.
Everyone better put a lil respect on the sex worker name
Susana, unsurprisingly, is pissed. Tell dem why you mad Susana!!!
We take the world’s most epic tangent in the Officer 263 case. Feel free to skip ahead if you don’t wanna be woke.
Nothing, as usual, is off the table
This week, Susana takes us through the case of an officer with a taste for sexual assault……specifically the sexual assault of middle aged black women. This predator would hunt his prey whilst performing his police duties in underserved neighborhoods. If you were to look up abuse of power in the dictionary, this jackass would most definitely pop up.
Then to lighten the mood (save the day), Shaunelle brings you three cases of increasing criminal stupidity. The masterminds of these acts deserve to be forever remembered and we hope we did them justice.
It’s a serious and seriously wild episode.
Here’s a link to the story of Stemen and his stinkin semen:
